Living amends can help you rid yourself of the pain of guilt and the need to constantly say “I’m sorry” to the people you’ve wronged in your life. When a person has died, you can still make amends for your actions. Although, you’ll have to find a different way to do so and in a way that makes a lasting impact on you and the people you love who are still here. You might be willing to make amends and share your defects. Sometimes the individuals you’ve harmed may need additional time.
Think of amends as actions taken that demonstrate your new way of life in recovery, whereas apologies are basically words. When you make amends, you acknowledge and align your values to your actions by admitting wrongdoing and then living by your principles. It’s important to remember that recovery is a family process. And we don’t mean just in terms of you making amends and living a life of recovery.
When Should You Approach a Person to Make Amends?
Plus, the benefits of completing Step 9 of AA are numerous. You’ll be able to fully embrace the principles of humility, forgiveness, and love. When you start to embody the guiding principles of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), you’ll embark on a journey to convince the people you’ve hurt that you’re changing for the better. Step 9 of AA allows you to open the door for honest discussions about how you might have caused harm and what you can do to rectify it. In doing so, you’ll build a strong foundation for developing positive relationships with people in your life. Step Nine can leave you emotionally exhausted; it’s a difficult step to navigate.
- Yes, members may procrastinate completing this step, but they’re not restrained from making big decisions within the first year.
- Step 9 of AA may be one of the most difficult you’ll face on your journey to sobriety.
- Or, they may gain greater insights about addiction and commit to being a more supportive person in your recovery.
- When you make amends, you acknowledge and align your values to your actions by admitting wrongdoing and then living by your principles.
One very effective way to make amends is to go to treatment. At FHE Health, you’ll learn more about Step 9 and how to handle the worst of experiences. For many, this is one of the most important components of recovery, because it allows them to work on rebuilding their relationships and letting go of those they cannot repair. Our team works closely with you throughout this process to help you achieve your goals in recovery. The spiritual purpose of making amends is to find inner peace, freedom, release, and rebirth. While this step involves a direct exchange with another person, its goal has everything to do with healing and addiction recovery on the part of the person making the amends.
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However, these promises are usually the result of deep feelings of shame, guilt, and regret and may not be genuine for some. Many times, these kinds of promises serve to alleviate the wrongdoer’s guilt and so that they can say they apologized before living amends their loved one died. With these kinds of promises, there may not be enough genuine intention of changing their hurtful patterns and behaviors. Talk with your sponsor or others in your recovery community about what has worked for them.
- Some people will be easier than others to approach due to the relationship you have with them, how close you live to them, or other factors.
- This action can demonstrate the person’s new way of life in recovery.
- They may refuse to meet at all or refuse to listen to what you have to say.
- You don’t have to be the best son or daughter, and you don’t need to be an ideal parent, but you need to show up when you make promises to do so.
- When you go directly to the person, real spiritual transformation is more likely to occur.
- However, this future possibility should not keep you from working your steps.
Part of my living amends is also being the friend my friends deserve and the employee my employers hired in good faith. Living amends touches deep parts of our lives and souls if we allow them. A few months back, she was traveling for an extended period of time. Well, the time came to continue my living amends to her and redo her entire master suite, including her bathroom.
